i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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