I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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