So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i barfeds in our rink
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
