You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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