Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
