Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
