we're blogging at a bar
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
