We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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