You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
