please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
