His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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