If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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