East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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