shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
