I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i need an iv and a liver transplant
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I have tasted many bathrooms
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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