Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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