I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
