woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
