Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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