I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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