If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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