at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize