Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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