my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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