So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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