So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
