she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
