I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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