Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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