I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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