I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
