I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
