you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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