i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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