Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
