Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
