College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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