3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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