A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
