I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I'm always down for nudity.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
