Jerry, you need to find god
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
