My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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