if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
