my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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