Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I fill condoms, not promises.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
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