I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
