God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
