they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
As shirtless as possible
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Randomize
