Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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