I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
