She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize