She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
