Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
