If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
