No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
