Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
