i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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