Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
My ass is underappreciated
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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