I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
