Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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