maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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